I'm a Bit Bummed ...

Maybe even a bit more than bummed out ... I'm just so angry? mad? disappointed? whatever I'm more than bummed out. I only lost 1.4 pounds this week - and I worked sooo hard - even went to the gym on Saturday- you would think that would have "helped" me to lose more than 1 pound. So my heart is on my sleeve and I want to eat, eat, eat. I must stay focused, I must not give up, I must not eat - in the past that is what I would have done. I would have told myself that "you worked so hard, you can't lose, eat, forget it nobody cares anyways." But I'm not that person anymore, I am strong, I am focused, I will lose this weight if it is one pound a week at a time, I will do it.

This one pound loss has been a knife in the heart - I have tried so hard this past week - I have exercised, walked the building every day, went to the gym, did Zumba with my friend, what else could I have done to make this week better? I am not sure. But tears are in my eyes whenever I think of my goal and now I don't think I will make it. I'm sooo disappointed - I so wanted to lose 57 pounds by the end of March. But with 16 pounds to go I must know that is not realistic so I need to stop harping about it and let it go -- and get as close as I can -- and know that I am doing the best I can. Stop beating myself up about it. I want to say it is not a big deal but it is to me -- only to me. Only one pound - I so wanted it to be more - I deserve it to be more - I worked so hard - maybe next week.

My plan for this next week: drink a lot more water, eat more veggies, watch the snacks (even thou I count them!), be more aware of carb type foods and avoid them.

Yes, I can do this, I can do this, yes, I will do this ... just one pound at a time. Watch my dust!!

Valentine's Day

My valentine says:
To My Wonderful Wife
more often than you know,
during an ordinary moment,
I'll look at you and forget all the stuff
that clutters our lives ...

The Jobs, the bills, the schedules and routines -
they all fade away, and I see just you -
this absolutely wonderful woman
who I'm lucky enough to have by my side.

I know I don't tell you often enough,
but I really love the life we've made -
with all its ups and downs, its twists and turns.
I love it because I love the woman who's at the very heart of it all -
you, my wonderful wife.

Happy Valentine's Day

What a nice day - what a great card - almost made me cry - it does seem that stuff does clutter our lives - every day stuff. So it was so nice that he recongized it also. Even the weight issue clutters up our life - I am at 40 pounds now. I am starting to like the idea that I can wear several things that I have had in the closet for a long time. It seems that I have new clothes; just clothes that eveyone has forgotton that I have. What fun! I am still on track for my goal. Have you forgotton my goal? I will be 57 this year and I want to lose 57 pounds by my birthday. So I have got to work out some, eat right and believe in myself. So far I am right on track... we will see.

I went to the gym Saturday am and did a 30 minute work out so that was nice. Just a bit sore today not bad at all. Sold a few things on ebay, now I need to put a few more things on, sell, scan, describe, sell, scan, describe, what a busy life I have. But it works and I won't have it any other way.

My son may be spreading his wings and moving down south - he has always enjoyed the town down there and now that he has a girlfriend that goes to school there - he is looking into jobs. But hey, like I told him, he needs to be his own self. He is 27 now and has lived away from home several times but with the economy like it is he decided to move home to save money. And he has, saved money, I mean. And we will be fine, we will miss him, but we also know that he needs to be himself - wherever God sends him - I will be happy.

Must get ready for work tomorrow - Happy Valentine's Friends ...

A Bit Overwhelmed ...

Yes, at times I find dieting, or rather, eating healthier, a bit overwhelming. At times I find myself thinking that my weight is controlling who I am. Does that make sense? Someone today noticed that I have lost some weight. They were actually very nice about it. So I just said, thank you and went about my business. But deep down, I felt thin. Thin? No not skinny, because I don't know what that feels like, since I have been heavy all my life. Even as a child I was the heavy set one. That was how I was described by my family when introduced. This is A, B and C is the heavy set one (or sometimes it was the "cubby" one is C). Just like that and the tag stayed. But I am trying so hard to rip off that tag. And it is sooo hard to do. Just those few words made my day... and it is a motivator for me to continue. I have been sickly the last few days, sore throat, just inky feeling, so eating healthy has been hard. Not impossible, but hard. I am craving salt - strange isn't it? Salt - like in crackers. So I did eat a handful of crackers just to get the salt out of my system ... but I could use another portion. Maybe tomorrow ...

This past weekend I looked my closet over and "found" a number of things that fit real nice now. So it is like having a new wardrobe. I plan to wear something "new" tomorrow. I will see how that goes. I have a meeting at 9 am - I plan to explain how a "supply exchange" will help our department save money. Should be no big deal but sometimes people get a bit terroritorial when it comes to money/budget. My presentation will go something like this: "If you have supplies in your cabinet that you have not used in several years, bring them on such and such day and we will exchange your supplies for my supplies." But... sometimes other people think, what?? my department used our budget to buy X and we don't want to get rid of it... That is just selfish in this day in time with budget cuts and all. It was the company's money that bought those supplies so who cares whose budget it came out of? There are several items in my cabinet that was bought for events that will not happen again so why not pass on the labels or binders that we will not use? Oh, well, we will see how this goes ... people can be funny about money!!